My Story

Every time I sign into Blogger I see that I have another blog to contribute to. A sense of dread fills my heart. It’s not that I dread writing for another blog. I love writing and think this will be a fun project to do with an awesome bloggy friend. The dread comes from the topic of the blog: weight loss. It’s something I’ve struggled with for years.

I remember thinking I was fat in high school. I look back at old photos and want to strangle the 16 year-old-Maggie. ARGH- I was skinny! I was not fat! However, I still looked in the mirror with disdain. I must have lacked over-all confidence in myself- not just in the weight department.

During my senior year I ate right and exercised a lot. That was the first time I ever really felt confident about my body. And I was happier, too. I firmly believe that by taking care of my body it helped me overcome some of the obstacles I faced with battling depression.

After high school I added a few pounds. Of course I lamented that I was getting fat but looking back… I was being stupid, again. I was still within a healthy weight range for my height.

It was when I met my future husband that my weight really started to balloon. I can’t say that it was because I wasn’t trying to look my best to land a guy, because I was never doing that when I was maintaining my weight. I’m not sure what it was that made me gain so fast. It may not be related to Ryan at all- perhaps it was the stress of school.

When I got engaged I decided to do something about my weight. My mom was in Weight Watchers and since I was living with her at the time I decided to go with her. She had previously lost about 50 lbs with the program, so I knew it worked. And even though I complained about counting points and measuring stuff out, it worked for me as well. I lost about 10 lbs. I was truly happy with my body at my wedding.

But then things REALLY went down-hill from there. I gradually added the weight back on. Then 3 months after I got married I had a miscarriage. I felt my body had betrayed me by making me lose my baby so I just didn’t care anymore how I treated my body. I was depressed and when I get depressed I eat like crazy. I was also stressed due to money problems and not being able to find a job so I ate even more. Pretty soon my wedding ring was getting a little snug.

Before I had a chance to start my 12359827351293598719th attempt to lose weight I found out I was pregnant in January. I gained weight slowly until my 3rd trimester and then thanks to pre-eclampsia I blew up to resemble the freakin’ Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. But that’s a whole different story!

After Joe was born I lost about 40 lbs in 5 days. I lost another 20 lbs over the next few weeks thanks to breastfeeding. It was all the breastfeeding because I was eating everything in sight.

But now things have gotten out of control again. Joe isn’t nursing as often but I’m still eating as much food as I did when he was nursing every 2 hours. So now I’m gaining weight again but this time it’s more depressing.

I see myself in pictures and am simply disgusted with myself. I’m actually shying away from cameras and I used to be a ham in front of the camera. I just feel gross.

I feel like I can’t properly take care of Joe. I huff and puff when he is in my arms and I’m going up or down stairs. When I’m crawling around with him I get very worn out. I feel tired and blah alllllllll the time. I’m only 26 freaking years old! I shouldn’t be like this! I want to have more kids… how can I keep up with them if I feel like a blobby blob of blubber?

Both my mom and dad have had heart troubles and have been overweight most of their lives. That doesn’t paint too pretty a picture for me. Better to do something now instead of in 30 years if I have a heart attack and it’s even harder to lose the weight.

After a lot of hemming and hawing I decided to join Weight Watchers. I’m just going for it. I know it works. I’ve personally witnessed numerous success stories. Tonight was my first meeting and I’m very excited to start this journey!

A lot of women have weight loss goals to fit into a bikini or a wedding dress. My goal- to have my original wedding ring fit my finger. I haven’t worn it in over a year and I’m tired of wearing $12 fake rings from JC Penney.

So here I go again- trying to lose weight!

Weight Loss Journey:

High school: 98 lbs.
Party days: 111 lbs.
Pre-engagement: 125 lbs
Wedding: 115 lbs
After wedding: 130 lbs
Pre-pregnancy (Joe): 140 lbs
Joe’s birth: 199 lbs (I know… HOLY CRAP!)
After Joe’s birth: 135

Now (after tonight’s WW meeting): 146.6
Healthy weight for my height of 5’00”: 103-128 lbs

GOAL: 120 lbs